ash 101

To introduce my blog, I thought I would have to start by introducing myself. So this is ash 101; all the different sides of me that will be posting on this blog and all the things I love to do.

It won't be the typical blog content I plan to write, but hopefully it gets you to know who I am a bit better.

a lil blurb

I never know what to say when I talk about myself so try to bear with me!

There are lots of things that I love and a lot of the time- they seem to contradict each other. At uni I think I balance lots of different faces so to speak; I'm going out more than ever, I'm trying to improve myself and, of course, navigate living alone for the first time. There are so many people I have to be at once: I'm being a friend, a student, a worker, and each one is different and an important part of me.

I won't bore you with all the roles I have but I'll talk about my three big personality parts, and hopefully at least one is someone you can relate to and someone that you would follow the blog of!

the social girl

There's an easy way to explain this girl, she's always going out and can speak to anyone. This is the girl I was so sure to be at uni because this is the girl that I've always been. Every parents' evening: "she's a good worker but she talks too much". I mean, this was the exact girl that I brought with me to freshers week; I felt so confident that I would be best friends with everyone.

This year I have lived the uni lifestyle everyone expects, especially in Manchester. I've made an amazing group of friends who I get the chance to live with next year, I go out to the clubs at least three times a week, I've done all the silly freshers costumes for socials and I have made friends for life. Above all, first year is about putting yourself out there and taking all the chances possible to meet and keep some great friends, which is something I have loved doing more than anything else.

I am an extreme extrovert for sure... but uni and freshers week has definitely challenged this for me. I've found it harder than ever to put myself out there- it's been anxiety-inducing to meet so many new people and face the reality that not everyone at uni is going to want to be your best friend. It sucks but it's true. The harsh reality of uni is that for a lot of people (me at least) are in the first situation where you can pick and choose your friends however you want- you don't HAVE to be friends with people just because you met them first or have a class with them. It was hard for me to accept that I wasn't everyones' cup of tea.

It would be a lie to say that the social girl didn't struggle this year but she's managed to reach the other end of it with the friends that she wanted to make and even more confident in herself than ever before.

the fitness girl

Before uni, I was very committed to dance, and it was my only form of fitness. When I came to uni, I jumped at the chance to audition to be a part of the dance society competition team. I auditioned for contemporary, lyrical and ballet and was offered a place on the advanced contemporary and lyrical teams. Rehearsals summed to about three and a half hours a week, way less than the amount of dance I was doing before uni, so even if the dancer in me felt happy- I had a desire for more.

Surprisingly, I solidified my investment in my health and fitness, which I never expected (I'm sure you've heard all about the supposed "freshman fifteen"). At Manchester, the £90 yearly gym membership was impossible to refuse and I honestly developed a sort of obsession with going to the gym. I was going three times a week every week for months and I loved the feeling of improving and getting stronger. The gym wasn't exactly the environment I expected to thrive in with the grey walls and musty smell but it became my savior on so many days, and kept me from being massively grumpy all the time.

Competitive dance and the gym still didn't scratch the itch. I have also involved myself in yoga (with a little input from the mindful girl) not only at home but also at a hot yoga studio in Manchester that allowed me to connect with myself more and be a part of a very rewarding physical activity. Honestly, yoga has been my favourite fitness activity of this year and it's been nice to have something for myself that is good for my mental and physical health.

Now, for the flip side. Dance rehearsals actually consist of very little dancing- it's much more memory of choreography and as a spoiler for future University of Manchester dancers, the dance studio isn't large enough to dance full out every time. The fitness girl was dissatisfied.

And the gym. After around four months of a very poor mental health stint- the gym fell to the bottom of the pile and I haven't been consistently until the last few weeks. All the strength I've built is strength I've had to watch disappear, along with the physical 'improvements' I saw.

Yoga? Consistency hasn't been in the equation at all! That practice I've been trying to build has been a huge weight, especially when the weight was doubled or even trebled by mental health struggles.

The fitness girl is such an important part of who I am. But she isn't the easiest person to be and I am not her all the time. What I've learnt this year is that the fitness girl is great, I love her so much. But, I can't try and be her and beat myself up for not managing it. She is great and she will post A LOT on here. It's important that I remember fitness girl is someone I can be- not someone I am every day.

the mindful girl

This girl is someone who seems to come and go, in waves if I am honest. It is very difficult to improve your mindset and indulge your spiritual beliefs when you feel like the universe is handing you challenge after challenge. The mindful girl is such a huge part of my identity but she has been out for the count for some time... and come back with twice the passion and belief as before.

Yoga and meditation has been a part of this for me. Connecting with yourself and feeling energy flow through you from the universe may seem kooky, but it has been amazing to do and has helped me set some really healthy intentions and work through some tough emotional times. At the end of the day, physical activity is always a good move and most especially when it can be flexible and low-impact.

I've also become very partial to a self-help book (shout out to Buy Yourself the Damn Flowers) and journaling with herbal tea whenever I feel like it has become too much for me. Little exercises to get to know your mind better and to feel autonomy to improve the way you feel is something I can't recommend enough- even if it may feel a bit cringe to some people.

I love the mindful girl, she will box breathe her way out of anxiety (I swear it works) and journal through her problems. Her and the social girl sometimes are at complete odds with each other and the social girl often wins with one more night out rather than staying in for self care. But, she is someone I am trying to bring forwards, so trust me she will be blogging here a lot as I find more out about her. Massive credit to one of my closest friends at uni because she has been a huge influence of reminding me of mindful girl!

all in all

I realise that this has been a whistlestop tour about me. My main goal was just to give a little snippet of the person I am, most of all who I've been in first year. These three main passions of mine will be the centre of what I blog about here. If any of them are relateable or interesting to you, I hope you stick around for the experience and advice that they can give.